Has anyone got some good clean jokes ?

[Galwaystan]

O.K. some interesting anagrams........

THE MORSE CODE---------------Here come dots

ELECTION RESULTS------------Lies lets recount

ELEVEN PLUS TWO------------Twelve plus one

A DECIMAL POINT-------------Im a dot in place

DESPERATION------------------A rope ends it

GEORGE BUSH------------------He bugs Gore

and even though I'm not married, this is my favourite....

MOTHER IN LAW-------------Woman Hitler!!!!

I'll be back with more, Happy Christmas y'all!!

[Brander]

Great anagrams - well done

[alancoughlan]

Christmas Shepherd
One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.

'Look at that, 'remarked Peter to Joe, 'That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!'
show but failed to progress.

[damomac]

What do Iris Robinson and IKEA have in common ?

One dodgy screw and the whole cabinet falls apart!!!!

[Galwaystan]

Why is Peter Robinson wearing an eyepatch?

'Cos somethings been stuck in his iris for months!

[Solaris]

52% of students pass Maths in the Leavung Cert. Unfortunately, I was in the 34% that didn't.

[creaghawk]

if two shams got married would that be a sham wedding !!!!!!!!

[alancoughlan]

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

[alancoughlan]

Two drunks were walking home along the railway track. The frist drunk says "There's a hell of a lot of steps here" The second drunk says "I'tell you what's worse this hand rail is low down"

The captain on the PA: "Ladies and gentlemen, we've lost engine number number one so we will be arriving 15 minutes into New York" A few mintes later he announces the lost number two engine and now they're looking at one hour late arriving.  Would'nt you know they lose engine number three. Two hours lat now.  The blonde turns to here husband and says "honey if we lose the fourth engine we could be up here all night"

[choc]

A car dealer, known to have taken advantage of some of his old customers,wanted to buy a cow from one of the local famers so the farmer decided to teach him alesson and priced the cow this way
BASIC COW £300
EXTRA -STOMACH £48
TWO-TONE EXTERIOR £86
DUAL HORNS £40
AUTOMATIC FLY SWATTER £45
AUTOMATIC FERTILISER ATTACHMENT £190
SHIPPING AND HANDLING £21
FAMERS SUGGESTED LIST PRICE £740
ADDITIONAL DEALER ADJUSTMENTS £180
TOTAL PRICE (INCLUDING OPTIONS)£920 REVENGE IS SWEET.

[elphin]

Man got out of bed very quietly and after breakfast hitched his boat and backed out of garage,  weather was terrible and he could hardly see. Decided to abandon plan drove back into garage.   Went upstairs and quietly got into bed, snuggled up to his wife's back and said the weather is terrible out there   She replied would you believe my husband is out fishing in that.

[Whack]

The teacher asks the kids in 3rd class to give her an example of "lovely" and Johnny in the back of the class is waving like mad, the teacher ignores him and asks Mary "my mum says that the first daffodils of spring are lovely" say Mary, excellent replies teacher and still Johnny is waving like mad, teacher asks Joe "my dad got engaged to mum in Salthill while the sun was setting over Galway bay and my mum said that it was lovely" very good says teacher and still Johnny is waving like mad, OK Johnny, whats yours "my sister came down to breakfast this morning and told my parents she's pregnant, lovely, F###ing lovely said dad.

[Hillcrestonian]

I was wondering why the frisbee seemed to get bigger and bigger as it came closer to me.


Then suddenly, it hit me !

[Whack]

PatJoe has just told me this one.

An old lady is swatting flies in the kitchen and her husband asks her did she kill many, 5 said the wife, 3 males and 2 females. how do you know the difference asked the husband. well there were 3 on the beer can and 2 on the phone said the old lady.

[alancoughlan]

Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."

'Faith now,' exclaims Reilly, 'I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.
'O'Toole and his wife are in bed one night and they hear the neighbour's dog is barking its head off in the garden. Somewhat disturbed by the noise, O'Toole explodes, 'Botheration and that!' and storms off downstairs.

He comes back upstairs five minutes later and his wife asks, 'What did you do, O'Toole?'

O'Toole replies with a wide grin, 'I've put the dog in our garden so I did, now let's see how they like it.' 
Donncha is shocked at finding out all his cows are suffering from "Bluetongue." 'Bejabbers,' Donncha murmurs, 'I didn't even know they had mobile phones.'
Gallagher is in Boston and he is waiting patiently, also, he is watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.

The cop stops the flow of traffic and shouts, 'Okay pedestrians'.  Then he allows the traffic to pass. He did this several times, and Gallagher is still standing on the sidewalk.

After the cop has shouted 'Pedestrians' for the tenth time, Gallagher approaches him and says, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'
'Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?' asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
'Do we now?' came New York Mayor Al Smith's reply.
Finnegan sells Michael a donkey, some weeks later they met in a pub in Killarney and Michael says, 'Hey, Finnegan, that donkey you sold me went and died.'

Finnegan just sips his Guinness slowly and retorts, 'Bejabbers, Michael, it never done that on me.'
Murphy lost a hundred dollars on the Melbourne Cup, a famous Australian horserace. He also lost another hundred on the television replay.
Kieran O'Connor always slept with his gun under his pillow. Hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe.

'Thank the Lord I wasn't sleeping at the other end of the bed,' Kieran said to his friends in Donegal's pub. 'I would have blown my head off.'
O'Gara was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.
After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, 'Not guilty.'
'That's grand,' shouted O'Gara, 'Does that mean I get to keep the money?'
'Ah, that was a lovely dress,' announced Colleen, 'and it would have fitted me if I could have got into it, so it would.'